Can I just get PAST this?

The past is something we lament over from time to time. Well others may consider it just being nostalgic as lament has the undertones of regret seeded within it's loins. I not only lament, but I also get nostalgic and fondly reminisce. This is, folks, the roller coaster that is Robby Radio's brain. Many twists, turns, tailspins, loop-de-loops even before I level off and land at my next mental destination.

You ever look at yourself in the mirror, so disgusted with yourself that you want to just reach out and strangle you or just punch yourself in the face? I would advise against that since you're in front of a mirror after all, but the sentiment is what matters. Frustration fills me to the brim on a near daily basis. I ask myself why I lament over things. I ask myself why I even become nostalgic or reminisce...fondly or otherwise and I can never answer my own question to my own satisfaction.

Truth be told, I'm my own worst enemy. I have been my entire life and while I know that I can anything I put my mind to, (stole that from an after school special *wink wink*) it still maddens me how I don't. It's like a case of writer's block that just won't go away. But I digress.

I sit here typing out my emotions while I could be focusing on something more relevant. Something that relates to my field or just something I'm interested in knowing about. I suppose it's helpful to have this catharsis of sorts from time-to-time, but I can't help but wonder if it is helping or hurting me.

In the past, I used to have more motivation, more ambitions, more go get'em type gusto. Now I'm more subdued and seem to care less about things I once did. I realize that as you grow older, interests change or your level with regard to those interests lessen or you just find other things to occupy your time. But I seem to be more fair weather than I have ever been and it scares the ever-loving shit out of me! I don't want to just settle, but this mental funk I'm in is so deep, I feel like I've been digging for years with little or no success.

While most know that I have a son now...aside from him, my motivation is sorely lacking. He gets me through most days. Looking at his smiling face makes me understand my purpose, but I KNOW that there is more out there for me to accomplish. It's just a matter of me figuring it out.

The rant is done for now.

This is Robby Radio...signing OFF!!!